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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
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Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
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We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
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The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
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I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
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There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
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If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
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Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
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Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
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But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
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As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
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I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
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To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
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The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
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Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
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DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
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We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
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Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins.
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I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
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Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
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I am not young enough to know everything.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:28
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